Belinda4
10-02-2009, 02:37 PM
Take this quiz. It will tell you if you are too FIRM or too GENTLE with your children.
I'm reading a parenting book and this quiz along with many other types of quizzes are in the book! If you want me to post the other quizzes let me know!
Answer True or False to the following questions:
Firmness Quiz
_______ I have high expectations for my children's behavior.
_______ Our house rules are clearly stated and consistently enforced.
_______ My children know that consequences will be enforced when they break the rules.
_______ I do not let my children argue me out of their consequences.
_______ It is less important to me that my children like what I say than that they comply with my request.
_______ I require my children to do chores/help around the house as much as their age and ability permits.
_______ My "yes" means "yes" and my "no" means "no".
_______ I am not threatened by my children's attempts to argue with me because I know that I am in control of the situation.
_______ I require my children to speak to me respectfully even when they are upset or frustrated.
_______ I am able to get my children to comply with my requests/rules even when they don't like them.
Firmness Quiz Score _________
Give yourself one point for each true answer.
Gentleness Quiz
______ I am sensitive to my children's feelings.
______ I listen respectfully to my children's opinions even when they differ from my own.
______ I show my children an abundance of affection daily.
______ I encourage open dialog in my family.
______ I am patient with my children's questions.
______ I try to consider my children's age and capabilities when establishing rules and consequences.
______ I actively look for ways to build up and encourage my children.
______ I take pains to let my children know I love them even when I don't approve of their behavior.
______ I take time every day to play with my children.
______ I actively work to develop a close and loving relationship with my children.
Give yourself one point for each true answer.
Gentleness Quiz Score_________
Scoring:
If you scored six or more points in both categories, your discipline style most likely reflects a good balance between firmness and gentleness.
If you scored six or more points on firmness and five or less points on gentleness you may run the risk of coming across as a bully or at least as insensitive to your children. This will only undermine your rapport and solidarity, decrease their compliance, and increase the number of power struggles you encounter over time. Be careful not to mistake mere power with true authority. Work on your ability to give more affection to your children, to be respectful of their feelings, and to solicit their opinions even when they differ from your own. The payoff will be greater respect and compliance both now and in the future.
If you scored five or less points in firmness and six or more points on gentleness you may run the risk of being a doormat for your children. You may find yourself in never-ending futile discussions with your children in which you try to convince them to see the value of your rules. You must learn that a child's approval is not a prerequisite for his or her compliance. Clarify your rules and consequences and stick to what you decide.
If you scored five or less points on both quizzes, you have some serious work to do. You may tend to treat parenting as a hobby, or as just another chore that you get to as you have time. Both you and your children deserve better. Do what you have to do to become an affectionate and deliberate (as opposed to merely reactive) parent.
Good discipline is a balancing act. Whatever your scores on the quizzes, work to bring your capacity for both firmness and gentleness into equilibrium.
I'm reading a parenting book and this quiz along with many other types of quizzes are in the book! If you want me to post the other quizzes let me know!
Answer True or False to the following questions:
Firmness Quiz
_______ I have high expectations for my children's behavior.
_______ Our house rules are clearly stated and consistently enforced.
_______ My children know that consequences will be enforced when they break the rules.
_______ I do not let my children argue me out of their consequences.
_______ It is less important to me that my children like what I say than that they comply with my request.
_______ I require my children to do chores/help around the house as much as their age and ability permits.
_______ My "yes" means "yes" and my "no" means "no".
_______ I am not threatened by my children's attempts to argue with me because I know that I am in control of the situation.
_______ I require my children to speak to me respectfully even when they are upset or frustrated.
_______ I am able to get my children to comply with my requests/rules even when they don't like them.
Firmness Quiz Score _________
Give yourself one point for each true answer.
Gentleness Quiz
______ I am sensitive to my children's feelings.
______ I listen respectfully to my children's opinions even when they differ from my own.
______ I show my children an abundance of affection daily.
______ I encourage open dialog in my family.
______ I am patient with my children's questions.
______ I try to consider my children's age and capabilities when establishing rules and consequences.
______ I actively look for ways to build up and encourage my children.
______ I take pains to let my children know I love them even when I don't approve of their behavior.
______ I take time every day to play with my children.
______ I actively work to develop a close and loving relationship with my children.
Give yourself one point for each true answer.
Gentleness Quiz Score_________
Scoring:
If you scored six or more points in both categories, your discipline style most likely reflects a good balance between firmness and gentleness.
If you scored six or more points on firmness and five or less points on gentleness you may run the risk of coming across as a bully or at least as insensitive to your children. This will only undermine your rapport and solidarity, decrease their compliance, and increase the number of power struggles you encounter over time. Be careful not to mistake mere power with true authority. Work on your ability to give more affection to your children, to be respectful of their feelings, and to solicit their opinions even when they differ from your own. The payoff will be greater respect and compliance both now and in the future.
If you scored five or less points in firmness and six or more points on gentleness you may run the risk of being a doormat for your children. You may find yourself in never-ending futile discussions with your children in which you try to convince them to see the value of your rules. You must learn that a child's approval is not a prerequisite for his or her compliance. Clarify your rules and consequences and stick to what you decide.
If you scored five or less points on both quizzes, you have some serious work to do. You may tend to treat parenting as a hobby, or as just another chore that you get to as you have time. Both you and your children deserve better. Do what you have to do to become an affectionate and deliberate (as opposed to merely reactive) parent.
Good discipline is a balancing act. Whatever your scores on the quizzes, work to bring your capacity for both firmness and gentleness into equilibrium.